Out of Nowhere

I woke up this morning with my toddler between my husband and me after he had a bad night, saying that I didn’t have the best of nights either. I went to bed fine as I do every other night but tonight was different, I randomly had demons in my head and I was really struggling to fall asleep. They started by telling me, I wasn’t worthy, I’m not good enough, what am I doing? I need to go back to work, I can’t run a business. As much as I tried to kick them out and think positive thoughts, they kept coming back, telling me repeatedly over and over again. I got up used my essential oil adaptive on my wrist taking in some deep breaths and I finally fell asleep. About 2 hours later I woke up to our little man screaming and unsettled (I was feeling absolutely drained) We don’t know if it was teeth, night maars, or even growing pains. We couldn’t get him settled so we decided to bring him into our bed, where all he wanted was me. With him in my arms and him snuggling in to fall asleep, I heard someone in my head saying, ‘This is my reason, this is my purpose, this is why I am here.

This morning I woke up feeling like I didn’t want to get out of bed. I was drained and exhausted from the night we just had, but I knew I had to get up, putting how I was feeling aside to get my kids dressed and fed as we were heading out to catch up with some friends for the morning. After having a few breakdowns, I wasn’t feeling any better. I used my roller bottle with a combination of oils that had adaptive, balance, lavender, frankincense, console, and forgive placing them on my wrist, back on the neck, and up my spine. I can’t say enough about my oils as they have saved me from going on medication. After using the oils, I started to settle from the inside, I continued to use the oils throughout the day and will use them for the next couple of days.  

So today has been a very big struggle for me as all I’ve wanted to do is curl up and fall asleep, BUT I CAN’T, I have 2 little people that I need to take care of and contently feed as they are always hungry, Lol. I have been able to speak to a friend that has put me back into line and has made my head a little less foggy and a little clearer and a list of things for me to work towards which I can already see working and making me feel that little bit better.

I will be the first to say that it was one of the lowest points I have had in a long time, and I still don’t really understand how and why it came to me when it did. It could have been a conversation I had with a friend the day before talking about my business. All I know is that anxiety and depression are real and for someone to has only suffered from it for only a few years, it is really important to be not ashamed, and if something isn’t sitting right in your life, ask for help if you need it. Nothing wrong with asking for help. 

 I am lucky in a way as I am aware of how I am feeling and when something isn’t right, I have no problem speaking to friends and family about asking for advice and telling them how I am feeling. From a person who has never had any forms of anxiety and depression, it hit just over 2 years ago from a workplace which is where I first experienced my first anxiety attack. I tried to work through it while I was still working, I found I was getting worse and worse, not wanting to go into work, crying too and from work, getting the shakes, and not having the time I wanted to have for my daughter.  I knew everything that I was feeling at the time wasn’t right and the reasoning why I developed anxiety wasn’t right. After speaking to my husband and me being 6 weeks pregnant with our second, I decided that I was over feeling the way I was and I wasn’t going to put my unborn child at risk, SO I WALKED, decided I was going to make my sewing hobby into something special and something that I could do from home and be there for my children when needed.